If you've been following my blog, you probably read my post about a young, bleak, rebellious girl. I know it seems impossible, being that my personality is much like cotton candy wrapped in a rainbow, beautiful to behold with an oh, so sweet center, but that girl was me. To be blunt, that girl could still be revived if I made certain choices in my life. Fortunately, I'm too far in my relationship with Jesus to mess up like that.
Or am I?
I still struggle with pride, I suspect I will until I find myself awash with true humility worshipping at the feet of Jesus upon the completion of this life. That being said, I've managed to cultivate such a highly dense and expansive pride that, despite God working it out of me daily, there is plenty still to go around. Over the years there have been some really exciting and yet painful realizations. Some made me feel lightheaded, others felt like a suckerpunch to the gut, but all brought me closer to becoming the person I was created to be. To avoid romanticizing life changing revelation, I'll cut to the meaty, if not slightly raw center.
First, to make effective strides toward becoming truly compassionate, I needed to realize, and continually remind myself, that, without Christ, there is no difference between me and anyone else. And by anyone else, I mean ANYONE else. Most often, it is easy for me to look at people who have committed crimes or made mistakes that have dramatically changed the course of their life from its intended purpose, and pity them or resent them or despise them. In no way can I ever relate to them. I can never relate to a thief or a prostitute, a drug addict or a homeless person, a woman who kills or abandons her own child, a man who beats his wife, a drunk driver responsible for the death of a teenager, a suicide bomber or a serial killer, a man who unintentionally forgets his child in his car on a hot day, or the digruntled worker that enters his place of employment filled with violence, or any other person responsible for the UNTHINKABLE. To maintain my pride and my shiny-happy exterior, I must remain convinced it could never be me. But the truth is, I am separated by only the thinnest veil of holy DNA and without it, the potential for the UNTHINKABLE remains buried at the center of human iniquity.
In my own effort and strength, I am not special. Using my own life experience and conscience, all things have the potential to be logical and acceptable and most certainly justifiable. To believe that at any point I can begin to rely solely on my own discretion, however sanctified, will lead only to an unexpected, yet inevitably, UNTHINKABLE end. Yes, it is true that I can do all things through Christ, who strenthens me; but it is equally true that I am capable of all things through sin, which is my ruin. I may never actually do any of those things listed above, but I refuse to be so prideful as to sit in judgement over those that have, convinced of my worth because my issues aren't as obvious to those around me.
We are only weakened by, and susceptible to the predilection within, when we lie to ourselves about who we are and what we are capable of.
The second realization is but the counterpart of the first, which is I must refuse to embrace my predilections or disfunction as that which defines my character or my worth. I cannot buy into the lie that being broken and miserable is how God intended me to be, that it's my identification and rightful inheritance. Sounds crazy, but I've done it.
But, that can be saved for another day.
Or am I?
I still struggle with pride, I suspect I will until I find myself awash with true humility worshipping at the feet of Jesus upon the completion of this life. That being said, I've managed to cultivate such a highly dense and expansive pride that, despite God working it out of me daily, there is plenty still to go around. Over the years there have been some really exciting and yet painful realizations. Some made me feel lightheaded, others felt like a suckerpunch to the gut, but all brought me closer to becoming the person I was created to be. To avoid romanticizing life changing revelation, I'll cut to the meaty, if not slightly raw center.
First, to make effective strides toward becoming truly compassionate, I needed to realize, and continually remind myself, that, without Christ, there is no difference between me and anyone else. And by anyone else, I mean ANYONE else. Most often, it is easy for me to look at people who have committed crimes or made mistakes that have dramatically changed the course of their life from its intended purpose, and pity them or resent them or despise them. In no way can I ever relate to them. I can never relate to a thief or a prostitute, a drug addict or a homeless person, a woman who kills or abandons her own child, a man who beats his wife, a drunk driver responsible for the death of a teenager, a suicide bomber or a serial killer, a man who unintentionally forgets his child in his car on a hot day, or the digruntled worker that enters his place of employment filled with violence, or any other person responsible for the UNTHINKABLE. To maintain my pride and my shiny-happy exterior, I must remain convinced it could never be me. But the truth is, I am separated by only the thinnest veil of holy DNA and without it, the potential for the UNTHINKABLE remains buried at the center of human iniquity.
In my own effort and strength, I am not special. Using my own life experience and conscience, all things have the potential to be logical and acceptable and most certainly justifiable. To believe that at any point I can begin to rely solely on my own discretion, however sanctified, will lead only to an unexpected, yet inevitably, UNTHINKABLE end. Yes, it is true that I can do all things through Christ, who strenthens me; but it is equally true that I am capable of all things through sin, which is my ruin. I may never actually do any of those things listed above, but I refuse to be so prideful as to sit in judgement over those that have, convinced of my worth because my issues aren't as obvious to those around me.
We are only weakened by, and susceptible to the predilection within, when we lie to ourselves about who we are and what we are capable of.
The second realization is but the counterpart of the first, which is I must refuse to embrace my predilections or disfunction as that which defines my character or my worth. I cannot buy into the lie that being broken and miserable is how God intended me to be, that it's my identification and rightful inheritance. Sounds crazy, but I've done it.
But, that can be saved for another day.
Awesome and wowza! Yeah those are the only words I can come up with!
ReplyDelete